Ray Allen Thrilled Fans Get An MVP Vote

Sorry Ray Ray. Even if you were good enough to be in the NBA MVP running, I don't think the fans would have your back. After Allen publicy ripped the NBA for allowing the fans to vote on all-stars, the commish's office comes out with this travesty. Fans voting for an MVP, what is wrong with this picture? For as long as this program is in order, Kobe and Lebron will get votes even if they suffer season ending injuries in the 3rd game of the year.

That being said, there are 125 votes for MVP, and the fans vote will count as less than 1%, but this is absurd. Is anybody else sick of fan voting? Especially when they say that we can only vote 50 times individually? I am just 1 person, why are you allowing me to vote 50 times? The MVP award will get 20 million fan votes, yet only 14 people actually voted. I hate this kind of stuff, and I am with Ray Ray, it has to stop!

Ban fan voting forever. The only thing I want to vote on, are the final few contestants on American Idol. I vote for the weirdest person, just so the program gets devalued. Remember Sanjaya Malakar? That was me who kept him on the program. Just kidding, I don't do that...but I should. I am actually going to vote 50 times for Brian Scalabrine...and the funny thing is that tons of Celtics fans will probably do the exact same thing.

So right here right now, Brian Scalabrine for MVP. He has my vote, literally.

Lowell Still On The Block

Why is Mikey Lowell still on the block? He has played fairly well this Spring, and would suit the Sox very well as a replacement for Adrian Beltre at 3B or as a left handed specialist DH, stepping in for Big Papi. It is being reported that the Sox are still shopping the 3B/1B/DH, and the Rangers are still interested. The last time the Sox and Rangers had a deal in place, Boston paid 9 of the 12 million owed to Lowell. If they do this type of deal, it will hurt the team and be financially irresponsible.

Anytime you have a player that can still hit like Mike Lowell, there is some obvious value. I understand he can't run and doesn't have great range, but the man can still swing a stick. Giving him away, like they did with their last deal with Texas, is just ludicrous. Boston is a better team with Lowell on the bench, as he provides much needed offensive depth on a team that is going to struggle to put up runs like they have in years past.

The Sox are looking to dump his ridiculous salary as well. That being said, they are going to have to pay upwards of 9 million dollars for him to play elsewhere. Is this ridiculous or am I just getting my boxers in a knot for nothing? Anytime a deal makes you lose a decent player, as well as a buttload of money, I think it can be considered a bad move.

The Red Sox hands are not tied by having Mike Lowell on their roster. On the flip side, I think they actually need Lowell to win. If the front office would open up their eyes, I think they would realize the same thing.

Bruins Sign Joe Colborne

The B's signed sophomore Joe Colborne from Denver University. He was the B's 1st round pick a few years ago. I didn't want to spoil the fun in this post but the Juke had an interview lined up with him. But its been almost a week since we've talked so gut feeling tells me its not gonna work out. It doesn't help that half of my questions were about the possibilities of signing with the Bruins. Damn.

Mighty Ducks Parody

As we posted earlier this week, the NHL is releasing videos from historic moments and then they have a question at the end. In the Bruins version, it asks "What if Bobby didn't fly?"

Since these commercials have aired, a bunch of parodies have come out. This one is by far the best:

The Firing That No One Cares About

Al Skinner was fired by Boston College yesterday after interviewing for the head coaching job at St. John's. Skinner had been at The Heights for 13 years. Thirteen! I can't believe its been that long since Jim O'Brien and Scoonie Penn were tearing things up in the Big East only to both leave for Ohio State.

Boston College is such a joke. Nothing they do will ever get them noticed in big time college sports. They fire their longtime head coach and no in the city even blinks. Is it because the Superfans are so self-absorbed that they think the world revolves around Chestnut Hill and therefore no one likes them? I think yes.

So Boston College can stop pretending like this is a big move. BC basketball has never been a Final Four threat and never will be. The only person that cares about them is Ted Sorandis. The Eagles can do whatever they want (like go for two weeks as the #2 team in the BCS) and no one in this city will ever notice. Heck, the hockey team is in the Frozen Four and you will be hard pressed to find someone that even knows about it.

First Night In Costa Rica

I watched the Islanders and Rangers do battle from my tiny hotel in San Jose. The Hotel Aranjuez really came through for me. They run Sky Sports like it is their job down here in CR. Sky sports is a conglomerate of stations that show all these crazy sports. One channel had hockey and the next had snorkeling. Some good snorkeling technique down here in CR. Much better quality snorkelers down here compared to in the states. More exciting analysis when I find an Internet cafe. I am writing this on an itouch and it is taking me forever.

Long-term Deal for Beckett?

The Red Sox have reportedly offered Josh Beckett a four-year deal valued near $70 million. I like this move. While Beckett hasn't been the Cy Young candidate I expected him to be, he is still a damn good pitcher. This move keeps the Sox competitive with the Yankees and it solidifies what should be a strong pitching rotation for the next few years. Now if only they could get some bats in the lineup...

Tebow Spending Time In Foxboro

While making his rounds to NFL cities in the past week, Tim "Praise the Lord!" Tebow spent Monday and Tuesday in Foxboro. Apparently he had dinner with Bill Belichick and others at a North end restaurant. I'm gonna go out on a limb and guess it was Ray Bourque's restaurant Tresca.

The Patriots coach had this to see about Tebow. "Great career, great player,” Belichick said. “I think it’s obvious that within the last six weeks, that he’s worked on his mechanics and they’ve improved, which is a credit to him. He’s very coachable and he works very hard. I’m sure that whatever he feels he needs to do, he’ll work very hard at, whatever that is. Athletically, he tested very well at the combine, which you can see on the field.”

This is my worst nightmare. Tim Tebow in New England will be a circus. I want nothing to do with it. Can't the Patriots please draft somebody on the defensive side of the ball that can contribute this season? We have the league's greatest QB, now isn't the time to institute the gimmick Wildcat offense of The Pistol. Just play Patriots style football and start putting points on the board again.

Joe Flacco Is No Tom Brady

See more funny videos and funny pictures at CollegeHumor.

This is exactly why Joe Flacco sucks. People want to say he is the future of the Ravens and everyone better watch out now that they have Anquan Boldin blah blah blah. But when you throw a ball high across the middle with linebackers around its obvious that someone is going to get hit in the nuts. Its practically a rule. So next time you see Mr. Flacco drop back in the pocket just remember why NFL players wear cups.

OMG! Veggie Burgers At Fenway!!!!1!

There is a reason why the Boston Globe is losing money. It's because on the front page of www.boston.com is an article AND video of the new food at Fenway Park. If you want to watch Mumbles Menino deep throat a lobster role then the Globe has you covered. In addition to the probably ridiculously expensive lobster roll is a new spicy veggie burger. I will admit that I like veggie burgers, especially when spicy. But you gotta be kidding me if you think I am going to order one at a ballpark.

Since when did real baseball food like pretzels, hot dogs, peanuts and beer get substituted for lobster, sushi, veggie burgers and martinis? Is this not America! Baseball's national past time is getting pushed to the curb by white collar douchebags with Blackberry's. "Hey look at me! I can schedule a meeting with a client in my Google calendar while using my Blackberry and drinking a Long Island iced tea. I love baseball!"

This is just another step for Red Sox management to promote themselves to big time corporations and white collar guys instead of the average fan. Me, you and your neighbor can no longer go to a game because we can't afford the tickets and now the food. But if I somehow make my way to Lansdowne Street this summer you can be sure that there will be a pile of peanuts shells under my seat by the third inning.

I Don't Hate The Yankees Anymore

It's not my fault, its baseball's. The rivalry hasn't been the same since 2004. Sure, part of that is because the Sox finally beat the Yankees and The Curse. But it also has to do with too many games against New York. The Sox will be opening up against the Yankees on Sunday night. It seriously feels like its been a month since these two teams met last.

I think the other problem with the rivalry is the players. A few years ago each team boasted a core group. Boston had Pedro, Manny, Ortiz, Tek, Millar, Timlin, and Damon. The Yankees had Jeter, Posada, Riveria, Williams, O'Neill, Giambi, Matsui, Torre, Zimmer and Damon again. The first three guys are still there but it doesn't feel like the same Yanks. I just can't come to hate Curtis Granderson the same way as I do Mo Riveria. And as of right now I'm not pulling hard for Adrian Beltre. If he is good then I'll love him. But he is going to be a work in progress and I am sure by May the guys at WEEI are going to be calling for his job.

I'm excited that the baseball season is upon us, but as far as I am concerned it's just another team coming to Fenway.

MAJOR PS: I DON'T FEEL THE SAME WAY AS THE TWO DUDES ABOVE.

NHLPA 93 Commercial Trailer

Yes, I played NHLPA 93 on my SNES over the weekend. It got me thinking back to better times, when life wasn't so hectic and stressful. After I finished beating the Penguins with the stacked Blackhawks team, I decided to google NHLPA 93. The trailer above for the Sega version, which is exactly the same as SNES, had me cracking up.

And then I saw this Mario Kart trailer. Whoever did this, had some serious damn time on their hands. I mean, this is ridiculous!

Costa Rica Trip Itinierary

Yes, I am missing opening month for the Sox. Don't worry, I am going to CR and Panama to do some baseball scouting. Coincidentally, my trips brings me to many beach towns on both the East and West coast of Costa Rica and Panama. Here's what my trips will look like. Follow the map if you are having problems.

4 days in San Jose, CR

3 days in Monteverde, CR

1 day in Puntarenas, CR

3 days in Montezuma, CR

3 days in Manuel Antonio, CR

3 days in Puerto Jimenez, CR

4 days undecided somewhere Panama

2 days Boqueta, Panama

2 days Bocas del Toro, Panama

5 days Punta Uva, CR (pictured above...a lot of good baseball there!)

1 day San Jose, CR

3 days Arenal, CR

3 days undecided CR

Should be a crazy time with me and my non-drinking spouse. I will try and bring back some Cubanos for all. Don't worry, I have slingbox on my computer, so I will be analyzing every moment of the Celtics 1st round of the playoffs as well as John Lackey's first few starts.

Wallpaper Of The Week

I hope people appreciate this wallpaper cause it took forever to make! Its a Red Sox 2010 season schedule wallpaper. There is a good chance that this will be my only post of the day. Big test today I have to get ready for. It's only 35% of my grade. Yikes. So I am going to rely on Middle Man Mike to post today. It's not too much to ask, is it? He is going on to Costa Rica for all of April and is forcing me to hold the fort for the next month.

Sheldon Williams Is Ken Griffey Jr

Sheldon Williams looks like Ken Griffey Jr. in The Simpsons 'Homer At The Bat' episode. It has killed me this entire season trying to figure this out!

Even more weird, I found this Ken Griffey Jr. picture off of the Boston Globe's website. I searched google for 'Ken Griffey Jr. and The Simpsons' and I found this picture. I wondered why The Globe had tagged a picture of Griffey from The Simpsons. So, I clicked on the article, and was shocked by the comparison being made. Ian Ryder, WHO WRITES ABOUT THE CELTICS, said, "I finally nailed who Jermaine O'Neal looks like. He looks like Ken Griffey, Jr. in that episode of the Simpsons about Mr. Burns' softball team. I should sleep better tonight."

That is so fucked up. He thinks Jermaine O'Neal looks like him? Even more scary, is that he came to this realization 11 days ago...the article was written on March 17th. How could I be comparing a player that Ryder covers (Williams) to the same Griffey charicature from the Simpsons? Even more weird, is he doesn't see this similarity between Griffey and the guy he sees everyday. Instead, he thinks O'Neal looks like him. Very f'd up. So screwed up on so many levels. I feel like I stole Ryder's thought, but I didn't. I swear to God on Palm Sunday.

Porn, Porn Porn! 5 Hottest Porn Stars

Yes, this is a sports blog, but we are dealing with porn today. Do I think it will drive up traffic to our site if I keep mentioning naked women and sexual intercourse? Certainly! Porn is part of sports, and Tiger Woods is leading the charge to get the two to coexist peacefully. Tiger does porn stars! It's that simple. So, I have concockted a list of top 5 hottest porn stars today. This was actually quite challenging for me to put together, because I don't really associate a name with most of these girls. We all know Jenna Jameson, and she is on the list, but how many other porn stars can you name? Probably not many! Without further ado, here's my top 5 hot porn stars of the present.

5) Tera Patrick


4) Catalina Cruz

3) Jenna Jameson

2) Candice Cardinelle
1) Mindy Vega

Newest Dumb Criminal: Joey Porter

Joey Porter is funny as hell, and now is on my list of dumbest criminals of all-time. Not only was he drunk, but he more-or-less initiated contact with the cops. The cops pulled his friend over, and then Porter drove up close to the cop in another car. When the cop became suspicious of Porter, he walked over and started to question the new Cardinals linebacker. Here's how cheechoo.com sees it:

"Reports from the California Highway Patrol, in Bakersfield, cops pulled over a car, that was being driven by a friend of Porter's, into a local Taco Bell. Joey Porter drove up to the scene, but was a little too close for comfort and the cop walked up to Porter's window where he then could smell alcohol coming from the car.

The cop asked for Porter's license, but he refused and tried to roll up his window. The cop tried to unlock the door, but Porter slapped his hand out of the car window. The cop then grabbed Porter's arm and that's when everything went a little nuts.

Porter got out of the car in a "confrontational" manner, the cop pulled his gun and told the NFL star to get on the ground...he probably said, "Get on the fucking ground!"

Backup was called and additional police got to the scene, Porter was arrested and was charged for three misdemeanors: Resisting arrest, DUI, and Assualt on a Police Officer."

Worst Shootout Attempt Ever?

By now we've all seen the Dennis Wideman attempt from a few years ago so I won't post it here. But did last night Patrick Eaves' attempt top Wideman's as the worst ever? Its close. The thing is, no matter how many times I watch Wideman's attempt, I still have no idea how he ended up so high in the air without jumping. That's an incredible talent. But Eaves looks bad because he falls face first. He stumbles and then just falls. Can't look pretty doing that.

My NCAA Tournament Bracket Sucks, My Frozen Four Bracket Sucks

Okay, well I am officially dead in every pool I am playing this year. I have 1 final four team left in men's hoops, Duke. I have them losing their next game. My dream final of Kansas/Kentucky was not meant to be. I blow. I was in the 94 percentile yesterday according to ESPN, today I have fallen to the 62 percentile. Not making money off the pools this year.

So far, #1 seeds in the tournmanet have fallen by the wayside. #1 Kentucky (my championship pick) falls to #2 WV 73-66. #1 Kansas dies against #9 Northern Iowa 69-67.#5 Butler beat #1 Syracuse 63-59 (although I did pick that!). So far, it has been a year for the upsets, and my bracket wasn't set up for that.

The same story is true in the Frozen Four. We have already watched the #1 seed in the tournament, Denver, fall to #4 RIT. (I don't want to get started on Denver being the #1 seed and having to play in Rochester's back yard, because that will make me mad. Nevertheless, Big D still should have taken this game!) In addition, all the #2 seeds in the tourney have been bounced. #2 North Dakota falls to #3 Yale? Say what?

It has been a wild year so far for Vegas, and I am certain that they have made big bucks on the tourney gamblers this year. If only Merrimack was in the Frozen Four and only if BC was in the men's hoops tournament. They could have been the squads to pull these massive upsets.

Savard Speaks

Marc Savard spoke to the media for the first time since his injury earlier in the month that left him with a grade 2 concussion. The Bruins center thought that the hit from Matt Cooke was dangerous.

"Well, I have obviously viewed it a couple of times and I think it was a play that didn't need to happen, obviously. To me it wasn't a shoulder and I watched the [Mike] Richards on [David] Booth hit. I think that was a shoulder. I think mine was more of an elbow, so I think there was an attempt to injure there. I was, obviously, very unhappy with what happened and I think it could have been avoided very easily."

Savard does not have any memory of the hit but did mention that Cooke has tried to get in contact with him. He said that at this point he doesn't want to talk. And good for him. I wouldn't want to talk to that douche either.

Savard is hoping to get back on the ice soon but it is still a ways away. The Globe wrote today that he could be back by the second round of the playoffs, but I'm going to guess we won't be seeing hockey here when that time rolls around.

Ragin Rajon

Rajon Rondo was sick in last night's win against Sacramento. Last night the point guard dished out 18 assists in an Atlantic Division clinching win versus the Kings, and is 20 assists shy of breaking Bob Cousy's single season record. On another note, the Globe is reporting that Rondo has broken the Celtics single season steals record, previous record holder was Rick Fox. (What?)

Over the last two games, Rondo has pumped out 18 and 15 assists respectively. This season, Rondo has doled out 10+assists 40 times. He is simply, the best player on the Celtics roster. Without him, Boston doesn't win. He is as important, if not more, than Paul Pierce. Pierce provides the scoring, but Rondo gives him the opportunity to put the ball in the bucket.

It is funny that the Celtics have 3 hall of famers on their roster, but maybe the player who will have the best career is Rondo.

When Ben Roethlisberger Is Arrested...

Charlie Batch will be the Pittsburgh Steelers new starter. Batch signed a 2-year deal deal to remain with the Steelers. Jim Litke of the AP summed this whole Roethlisexualassaultberger situation up perfectly: "At the very least, a second allegation of sexual misconduct in less than two years makes Roethlisberger an embarrassment to the Steelers, a franchise that likes to say it operates on a higher plane than the rest of the NFL. Still to be determined is whether this latest incident also makes even a two-time Super Bowl-winning quarterback expendable."

More criminal news - Gilbert Arenas somehow escaped jailtime for pulling a gun out in the locker room of the Washington Wizards. I don't really understand this, but the judge apparently sentenced Arenas to 18 months in prison, but then suspended that sentence. How do you sentence somebody, and then 1 second later suspend that sentence? I don't get it.

Arenas was ordered to serve two years probation, beginning with 30 days in a halfway house. He must also serve 400 hours of community service and pay a $5,000 contribution to a crime victim's fund.

Red Sox Rotation Announced

(gross)

The Red Sox rotation is just over a week away and the team has announced the starting rotation for the first six games. Of course, because its Major League Baseball, the league wishes that the Red Sox could play the Yankees 162 times a season. Therefore, the Sox will be opening up against New York at Fenway Park. Following the series, the dynamic Kansas City Royals come to town. Here's how the rotation looks.

April 4 vs. Yankees: Josh Beckett
April 6 vs. Yankees: Jon Lester
April 7 vs. Yankees: John Lackey
April 9 vs. Royals: Tim Wakefield
April 10 vs. Royals: Josh Beckett
April 11 vs. Royals: Clay Buchholz

Are The Red Sox Soft?

It's only Spring Training but the Red Sox are already hit with the injury bug. Dustin Pedroia has missed the last few games with a sore wrist, Dice-K has a stiff neck and Mike Lowell was pulled out of a game after fouling a ball off of his leg. Lowell is expected to be placed on the 10-day DL.

Should we be concerned with minor injuries in the Spring or just accept its part of the game? Does it mean the Sox are soft? I think so. I have the feeling we are going to be hearing a lot of "________ has been on the put on 15-day DL" a lot this season This Sox team ins't exactly built with grit.

Dice-K is about as strong as a paper card house. He's been hurt since last year's World Baseball Classic. Nomar seems like Lou Gehrig (during the streak, not ALG-Gehrig) compared to Dice-K. And J.D. Drew is bound to end up on the DL with a sore pinkie any day. Not to mention that Mike Lowell is probably one bad step away from retiring to Del Boca Vista in Florida.

Then there's the rotation. It seems healthy now but every year it seems like somone goes down with a "tired arm". New addition John Lackey isn't a stranger to injury. After pitching five straight years with exactly 33 starts, the Angels starter finished with just 24 and 27 games played in '08 and '09.

So my concerns are justified. The Red Sox aren't going to need quite the effort to battle the Yankees for the AL East crown. And without the bats and a potentially often injured club I think we can already begin to look at the Wild Card standings.

10 Year Deal For Beating A #1

The story came out yesterday, but I didn't have enough time to react to the ludicrous 10 year deal that was given to Northern Iowa Head Coach Ben Jacobson. Jacobson received the 10 year deal, which starts with a $450,000 base pay. Every year, he will be given an additional $25,000. Yes, the Northern Iowa Panthers have been good over the last two years, but let us remember that they play in the MISSOURI VALLEY CONFERENCE. Yes, it is great that the Panthers have won 2 straight conference titles, and I was shocked when they took care of Kansas by a 2-point margin. But 10 years for any coach is insane.

Why does a coach deserve a 10-year crazy ass deal just for one big moment? If Northern Iowa wanted to extend Jacobson, why didn't they do so earlier in the year? Why did they wait to give him an extension until now? Well, let me tell you. Publicity! Publicity! Publicity! Nobody cared about Northern Iowa before this tournament - nobody even knew who they were! So, now that the Panthers are fresh in our mind, the decision is made to extend the head coach. I think it is a smart tactic by the university to extend when the team is hot, but I just want to make fans aware of this strategy!

They get some pub for making the tournament, get big press for taking care of Kansas, and now the incoming college basketball freshman class reads that Jacobson is extended. A big-time ploy by Northern Iowa to make their program better. Still, a 10-year deal is insane. I would be mad if the Patriots extended Bill Belichick by 10 years. But, this is a once-in-a-lifetime chance for Northern Iowa to make themselves look better than they are. I hope they are happy with Jacobson when the Panthers are 5-23 in four years.

Urban Meyer Reminds Me Of Bill Belichick

If you haven't seen this yet, this is Urban Meyer two days ago going off on an Orlando Sentinel reporter. Meyer was pissed about a quote columnist Jeremy Fowler put into his piece. Apparently Gators receiver Deonte Thompson said that QB Jeff Brantley was a 'real quarterback' compared to recent graduate and future Patriots Wildcat formation player Tim Tebow. The quote was correct, but Meyer still feels the need to assert some dominance.

Here's a good article about Urban bullying everyone and everything in site.

Same Old Result

Win a few, lose a few. That's been the Bruins season. Last night was no different as the Bruins two-game win streak came to an end with a loss to the lowly Lightning. The B's only managed three goals despite 51 shots on goal.

This team is Jekyl and Hyde. One day they look great and the next they look horrible. No matter what they do they just can't seem to score. They had some great chances last night but Antero Niittymaki played a great game. Gotta give credit when its due I guess.

To make matters worse the Toronto Maple Leafs have been on a tear. Why does this matter? Because the more points the Leafs get the worse draft position the Bruins will have. Thankfully the Islanders, the team the Leafs are behind, have been winning nearly as much as Toronto. The Leafs still hold the second to last post in the league and are four points behind New York.

Hughes In, Joba Penned

Phil Hughes will be the 5th starter in the Yankees rotation for the 2010 season. Hughes beat out Joba Chamberlain for the final spot, which I think is the best scenario for the Yankees. Now Chamberlain can resume his role as the nasty setup man, able to pitch multiple innings.

Joba Rules has been great out of the pen for the Yanks, and it has been surprising that they have not sent him back out their after 1 1/2 unexciting seasons as a starter. In his rookie year, 19 games in relief, JC pitched his way to a .38 ERA. In 2008, 30 games in relief and 12 starts, he put together a 2.60 ERA. In 2009, 31 starts, the righty had a very pedestrian 4.75 ERA. Obviously his numbers trend up when starting, so why wouldn't Joe Girardi place him back in the bullpen?

In a season where the Yankees and Red Sox are expected to be neck and neck, 5th starters become more important than in years past. Which 5th starter do you like, Daisuke Matsuzaka/Tim Wakefield or Phil Hughes?

Joslyn James Audio From 98.5 The Sports Hub

Joslyn James made her way around the sports radio dial in Boston yesterday. I have listened to both interviews, one on Dennis and Callahan and the other on Toucher and Rich, and I have to say that the interview on The Sports Hub was awesome. I listened to it live yesterday, and then had to listen to the podcast again today. Do yourself a favor, and listen to the audio featuring Joslyn James on with Toucher and Rich. Great stuff. She touches upon some sex acts that Tiger Woods wanted from her, and she even says that Tiger played the submissive role from time-to-time. Toucher and Rich both asked a couple of times if a guy was ever involved, I guess they want this story to get WAY out of control. My personal opionion: if there is a 2nd guy involved, I don't want to know. If there are 3 chicks involved at one time, then please inform me!

Anyone Need A Prostate Exam?

I am sitting at my kitchen table with my Pharmacology notes in front of me as I prepare to tackle men's health, cardiac and neuro disorders. Seems like a weird combo, right? Any way, my mind is off sports until tonight when the B's take on the Lightning at home. Should be a W, but we'll see.

While studying men's health, it got me thinking. The majority, if not all, of our readers are male. So what better opportunity to talk about prostate exams. It's fresh on my mind, so let's discuss!

The prostate is an organ that surrounds the male urethra. It produces the majority of seminal fluid except for the actual semen. However, it can grow and cause difficulty in urination. Sometimes you can't even go. Ouch! But no worries. YOU can avoid this problem with an annual prostate exam. All you need is a willing participant to lube up their finger and stuff it in you balloon knot. They feel your prostate and assess its size. If it's too big you can take some meds or have surgery. Just be warned that a prostatectomy does have the rare side effect of damaging the nerves in the penis. Good luck trying to get it up when you can't feel anything.

It always bothers me how much breast cancer awareness stuff there is. There are walks and fundraisers, sports team don pink jerseys and people put ribbon magnets on their cars. But where's the love for men? Does anyone care if we die from cancer? Apparently not. So this is my little shout out to all the guys out there to make people more aware about prostate cancer.

Now back to your regularly scheduled sports posts.

Josh Smith Game Winning Dunk Video

Now that is a way to clinch the playoffs right there. If I am not mistaken, it looks like Joe Johnson takes about 8 steps, but whatever. I hate the way everything looks in Atlanta. The court is a weird brown, the fans are out of control, the Hawks team seems to be thug-like. I don't really want to play there. ugh.

This is a funny frigging video (below) of the ending to the Hawks game last night. Imagine the guy in the Red stepping in front of your field of vision before the ball is jammed in at the buzzer. I would have stabbed that guy.

Celts Clinch Playoff Berth

The Celtics are more-or-less right where they should be. They haven't been as good as Cleveland and Orlando, yet we all think that they are better than Atlanta. Currently tied with the Hawks for 3rd place, it looks like the Celtics will get either the Bucks, Heat or Bobcats. Last night Boston clinched a playoff berth by taking care of a Nuggets team that looked dog-tired after playing their second game in as many nights.

The one good thing for Boston is the play of the Big 3 of late. Earlier this season we were all taken aback by how old Ray Allen, Kevin Garnett and Paul Pierce looked. Since after the trade deadline, Allen has looked like the player that was a star with the Seattle Supersonics. Over the last two weeks, Pierce and Garnett have started to get their legs underneath them.

Pierce is probably the most important piece heading into the playoffs. As we saw in 2008, Pierce has the ability to put the Celtics on his back. Without Pierce, the Celtics lack an efficent scoring option, and tons of pressure fall on the shoulders of Allen.

Looking to the playoffs - I imagine that the top 4 seeds in the Eastern Conference (Cleveland, Orlando, Boston & Atlanta) will win their first round matches. These teams have certainly separated themselves from the rest of the pack. If they all win, the Celts will either have the Magic or the Cavs. That being the case, the Big 3 will have to continue clicking on all cylinders or Boston's season will come to an end. Orlando has the capability to push Boston around on the glass, and they have a couple of decent scoring options. If Pierce pumps in 25 per game during that series, however, Boston should be able to find a way to win. If it's the Cavaliers, Boston will have to ride the defense of Paul Pierce and Tony Allen. If they can keep Lebron to under 27 per game, than the Celtics will have a shot.

Let's hope that Boston gets Orlando, and Atlanta upsets Cleveland.

Bob Uecker To Be Inducted In WWE Hall

Harry Doyle will be going to the Hall of Fame. The WWE Hall of Fame. Uecker worked as announcer for the WWE only twice in the 1980s, but I guess that is enough to go into the Hall. WWE CEO Vince McMahon said that Ueckers involvement in the WWE really spurred interest in the WWE. Whatever you say Vince. Classic clip from above. "How about you get your foot off my shoulder!" Hilarious. I have no idea what Andre said, but he is still good in my books.

Daisuke Wins At Men's Figure Skating?

That's right. Daisuke Takahasi has won the men's short program at the world figure skating championships in Turin. Apparently the crowd loved it, and several fans were waving Japanese flags around. Unlike our Daisuke, it is being reported that Takahashi finished the sporting event without injury. Similar to our Daisuke, Takahashi always does well in world contests, but struggles with intra-country athletics.

Bring Back Old Logos!

I really wish the Toronto Blue Jays would bring back their old logo. That thing was nostalgic. It had the blue jay trying to look tough, remember? And the old uniforms even had the line in between the numbers. If you don't think about Kelly Gruber and Joe Carter when you see that logo then you have no soul.

I also miss the old teams that aren't around anymore. The Expos had a great logo. Many people don't know this but Montreal's logo was actually a combination of the letters "E", "M" and "B" for Expos Montreal Baseball. I'm sure it made sense in French. I also liked the Hartford Whalers. Nothing gets me more tingly then hearing Brass Bonanaza and seeing the green and white. The logo was classic with the whale tale and the hidden "H" in the logo. Which leads me to my next team, the Winnipeg Jets. Classic! They had a plane and a hockey stick in their design. Now the current franchise has a dumb Coyote howling on the front of their jerseys. Just awful.

Perhaps the best 1980's logo is the Denver Nuggets. Those things were nuts. They had a skyline and rainbow colors that would put a gay pride parade to shame. And don't forget that the players wore the tightest of shorts while playing back then.

A good football logo was the Broncos. They had the powder blue and orange with the horse blowing steam or whatever it was. The new Bronco looks like it got stretched out too much on Photoshop.

Curt Schilling Has Burned $20 Million

According to an article in the Boston Herald today, Curt Schilling has still yet to make a dime with his 38 Studios video game company. It is being reported that he has spent at least $20 million dollars of his own money to create this gaming company.

The good news is that 38 Studios has operations going on in Maynard and in Baltimore. 80 people work at each location, and it is being reported that the number of employees could grow to 500 by the end of 2013.

I don't know if I hate Curt Schilling or love Curt Schilling. I think it's kick-ass that he hasn't just sat around twiddling his thumbs after his baseball career ended. Unfortunately, his work doesn't just end with 38 Studios and it seems like he sticks his huge head in everything! In addition to 38 Studios, he also runs the blog 38 Pitches and he campaigns endlessly for any bill or legislative piece that makes sense to him. More annoningly, his wife just came out with a book that is more or less a grab to make some cash.

The book not only talked about their childs' aspergers, but it also described what home life was like for Shonda Schilling when Curt was on the road. I guess my only question is, "Why do I care?" I admit, talking about aspergers is mildly interesting. If the book was just about that, I would be fine with it. But Shonda talking about her depression while Curt was pitching for the Diamondbacks, really does nothing for me. Just another ploy to make some money. Probably because #38 has lost $20 million on video games.

Please God, No Tebow

If the Patriots draft Tim Tebow then I think we can begin questioning the genius that is Bill Belichick. He is an overrated QB that excelled in a Florida system that was loaded with talent. The Patriots have no use for Tebow.

There is a rumor that Bill really wants to implement the Wildcat offense. I hope this is a joke. Tom Brady does not need to be a part of a gimmick offense. The Patriots aren't the Miami Dolphins. Imagine Peyton Manning audibiling to the Wildcat. It just won't happen. So respect the game and respect Tom: don't bring in Tebow for the Wildcat.

Now there is always the possibility that Tebow could play another position. Some see him as a fullback or linebacker. But the Patriots rarely use a FB in their offense. And do you really want to use a former college quarterback as a linebacker in the NFL? No thanks. I'll take my chance with Gary Guyton.

Plus Tebow claims he is a virgin. If I wanted to hang out with college virgins I would call my old roommates.

Playoff Overtime Changes In NFL

The NFL owners voted to change an element in the overtime rule, giving the team that loses the coin toss at the start of overtime to get a possession if the coin-toss winning team scores a field goal with the first possession.

It seems like the NFL is on their way to giving both teams possession of the ball in overtime. If they are so concerned about one team not having the opportunity to score, then I imagine this type of rule will find its way to the regular season.

It seems like a rather complicated rule though, doesn't it. It is strictly set for the playoffs, and the rule only takes effect if the offensive team scores on their 1st possession. But, if they punt, then all is up for grabs. That still makes it a bit unfair, as the team who receives the kickoff should ultimately have the better field position. Kickoffs usually get run back to the 30ish. The team might get a 1st down, then they punt from the 40 and pin the opposing team back inside the 5. Now that still seems unfair to me, and I am sure the team that gets possession 2nd will feel that the rule is unjust.

There are only two good ways to do this in overtime. Stick to the old rule of the coin-toss, or give each team possession on the 25 or 35 like they do in college. I do like Bill Belichick's theory that it should be just one quarter of action to decide the game, but I imagine the league will vote that down to protect already-tired players from having to play 25% more game.

If We Didn't Live In Boston

I, Guy in the Balcony, started thinking the other day, "what city would I cheer for if I could no longer root for Boston?" It's a hypothetical question as I hope I am never in a position where I can't put on a Red Sox hat. But what if I had to choose, who would it be?

I decided that the city I root for has to have at least an MLB, NHL and NFL team. NBA would be nice but its not a deal breaker. I then put a list together of the cities that are in the running. This is what I got:

Chicago: Cubs, White Sox, Blackhawks, Bulls, and da Bears (greatsports city, but kind of a trendy too)

Minneapolis / St. Paul: Vikings, Twins, Wild, and T-wolves (bluecollar teams, no championships)

Tampa: Rays, Lightning, Bucs (yuck)

Miami: Marlins, Panthers, Heat, and Dolphins (probably the worst sports town in America)

New York: Jets, Giants, Rangers, Islanders, Devils, Knicks, Nets,Yankees and Mets (I despise just about all of the teams on this list)

Dallas: Cowboys, Rangers, Mavericks and Stars (Hockey in Texas doesn'twork for me and I hate Jerry Jones)

Philadelphia: Eagles, Flyers, Phillies and 76ers (Great sports city,too negative sometimes, but I love the passion. But can I cheer for an NFC and National League team?)

Pittsburgh: Steelers, Penguins, Pirates (Passionate Steelers fanscould be the best in the NFL, Pens are great and getting a new rink,and the Pirates, well, are the Pirates)

After looking over the cities I came up with my answer: Minneapolis /St. Paul. First off, I am a hockey guy. The Wild aren't the bestteam around but they have a great following. The fans are energetic and they sell-out their games. I would actually fit in in Minnesota. Plus the college hockey is just as good as it is in Boston, but onlypro sports make the list. I think going with the Vikings would betough but I can relate to their fans. The Vikings, as a franchise,have sucked. They have had their share of heartache.

Any Boston sports fan can relate to that! Plus, Adrian Peterson is cool. But I do HATE Brett Favre... Liking the Twins seems like it could be easy.Always competitive but never the clear cut favorite. They are gettinga new ballpark this year and I bet if I lived in Minny I would love Joe Mauer as much as I like Tom Brady now. The Timerbwolves are last on the list. I pretty much have no feelings for basketball and a horrible team like the T-wolves does nothing to influence mydecision.

So, what city do you pick Middle Man Mike?

You left one out buddy, Los Angeles. And I am taking the LA Lakers, not the Clippers. My teams would include: The Lake Show, LA Dodgers, LA Kings and a host of NFL teams. Now, the big problem in my logic is the lack of an NFL team. I want to address this issue right off the bat. First, I do think that LA will have a franchise within the next 5 years. That being said, I have a plethora of teams to choose from to root for. Do I go with the former LA Raiders now Oakland Raiders? Do I root for the St. Louis Rams, former LA Rams? Or do I drive an hour down the Pacific Coast and cheer on the San Diego Chargers? The biggest problem with LA is the lack of NFL team, yet in some ways they have more teams to root for than other city in America.

After football, this question is easy. The Lakers easily rival the Celtics for greatest basketball franchise in the United States. They have a great crowd, and I can envision myself sitting courtside next to Jack Nicholson.

Baseball, the LA Dodgers are pretty historic as well. Couple that with the fact that I am sitting in Mannywood, and everything is cream cheese! Tickets are cheap, the stadium is historic, and the history of the club is rich. I can easily see myself sitting in the bleachers singing along to 'I Love LA' after a Dodgers win.

And finally, the Kings. Yes, the LA Kings used to have the greatest jerseys in the league. Now, they wear black and purple, but that is still cool. They aren't an exciting club to watch, but outside of the original six NHL teams, what city has an interesting team? It comes down to the fact that hockey sucks, and in LA it is kind of an afterthought. However, I have no problem watching the Kings lose to some boring team...because I know I am going to drive home to my house overlooking the Pacific Coast Highway. There is nothing wrong with that!

Stop The Jersey Pulling

The worst celebration in sports...It has to be the pulling of the jersey near the logo on your chest to emphasize your team. Everybody in the NBA does it, and I have even seen some hockey and baseball players do it. I can't handle it. It really enrages me more than any other celebration in sports. Do the bash brothers forearm smash. I would prefer the fist bump on the chest to signify your team. Whatever happened to good ole towel waving? What about the raise the roof? Maybe a simple pat on your teammates backside. Anything, but the jersey pull. For the love of God, I urge everyone to stop this act.

EVEN FAKE VIDEO GAME COVERS DO IT! Kobe on the Knicks. That would be great, actually.

I much prefer the rip off your shirt celebration.

This is the greatest celebration. If you are unsure of how to celebrate, just pull a Tiger. I mean, do the fist pump. Don't go give a porn star a golden shower.

4.91 ERAs Go A Long Way These Days

Is it me, or is Clay Buchholz getting a lot of play for having a career 12-14 record with a 4.91 ERA? By the way, I had to look up who was in this commercial. I had no idea that the player sitting in the chair was Nick Swisher. How the hell am I supposed to know what Swisher looks like without a uniform and hat on? Also, I guess the guy sitting on the couch with Buchh is Adam Scott, an actor not the golfer. According to Wikipedia, Scott is best known for his role on HBOs drama Tell Me You Love Me. I think this is Guy in the Balcony's favorite show, but I could be wrong. I think this is one of ESPNs worst commercials of all-time.

Doc Ejected, Finally

Doc Rivers finally showed some real emotion on the court last night, getting ejected in the waining moments of the Celts/Jazz game. This site has great video of Doc being ejected versus the Jazz. The Celtics had a double digit lead in the last couple of minutes of the first half, unfortunately they came out extremely flat in the 2nd half. They were outscored by 14 points in the 3rd quarter, and 4 in the 4th to lose by 13. Just when you think the Celtics have turned the corner, they put up a stinker like this.

KG looked old and slow last night, which isn't a great sign. Mehmut Okur pushed him around to the tune of 15 rebounds and 14 points, including 4-3pointers. Not a great sign of things to come for Boston.

Pats Camp Is A Huge Mess

The voluntary off-season training programs have begun, and already we have had strange news. It started with Adalius Thomas saying "he didn't know" when the training program started. Then, Ty Warren missed out on 250k to get a college degree. Now, it is being reported that Logan Mankins is unhappy with his contract. What a joke. I have advice for these disgruntled players: Stop signing contracts in which you don't like the terms!

For the good news:
*Randy Moss has arrived. Yep, can you believe it? The guy who dogged it in the playoffs is already at the Pats camp for offseason workouts? I really can't believe it.

*A source close to the Pats says Tom Brady is in great shape after a crazy workout regimen that included 2 hours at the gym, followed by 2 hours of boxing. It is also being said that Wes Welker is working out next to him. It is not being reported what Welker is doing, but I am sure he is not sparring for 2 hours like Brady. Welker is still expected to miss much of the regular season with a torn ACL and MCL.

*I was curious what the Patriots draft board looked like after receiving severalcompensatory picks today. Here's how their board looks. As always, tons of picks:

First round
Second round (from Jacksonville)
Second round (from Tennessee)
Second round
Fourth round
Sixth round
Sixth round (compensatory)
Seventh round (from Philadelphia)
Seventh round
Seventh round (compensatory)
Seventh round (compensatory)
Seventh round (compensatory)

Now The Bruins Are Fighting Mad

Look at these Bruins. "They don't take....no prisoners. They don't take.....no shit from anybody." (Tommy Boy quotes above)

Now this fight wasn't as good as the Janssen Leblond fight, but it was a typical suck-ass Bruins fight. These Bruins have really stepped up their intensity since seeing Marc Savard hammered by Matt Cooke. Not, only do they muster 15 shots against Pittsburgh, but then they come right back with a huge fight in the next game! Look at Steve Begin step in there and really "wail" on Brandon Prust...



Fucking idiot Begin. Show us some heart and stand on your skates for more than 10 seconds.

Red Sox Pitching Studs

The Red Sox pitching staff is set for years to come. That is, if they don't plan on using Boof Bonser, Junichi Tazawa, Michael Bowden, Ramon A. Ramirez, Fernando Cabrera and Terry Large. These pitchers gave up 22 runs in their innings today. Bonser got the start against Tampa, and got rocked for 2 homeruns, 5 runs and 6 hits in just 2 innings of work. Tazawa, the huge find last year for the Sox, gave up 4 runs on 3 dingers in just 1 inning of work.

Good stuff all around for the Sox. Hopefully nobody on the current roster breaks down for this year. If Manny Delcarmen, Hideki Okajima, or others go on the DL, you will have to swallow hard and pray when any of these bums enter a game.

Contract News From Foxboro

The Patriots are beginning to work out a new deal with Tom Brady to keep the quarterback in New England. It will be interesting to see how much he gets in comparison to Peyton Manning. I am guessing he will get more Manning only because the New England brass want to say they have the best QB. Anything less then what Peyton is earning is a sign that they feel Tom is inferior.

Logan Mankins is sitting out of workouts. He is unhappy with his contract situation. The uncapped year has made the lineman a restrictive free agent. He is currently making $3.26 million. During last month's Pro Bowl Mankins whined about his situation. "You think about it. You see other guys signing extensions, and you wish you were one of those guys with an extension. It is what it is, I guess. You'll have to ask the powers that be around here if I'm going to get one or not. Because I don't know."

Is This The Longest Fight Ever?

Check out this marathon fight that took place in New Jersey. This is quite the bout. I can't ever remember a fight last as long as this one did. I needed a bathroom break halfway through. This type of fight should come with a soda and popcorn.

What If Bobby Didn't Fly?

The NHL is putting out new ads that begin with "What if...?" The ads the question what would have happened if certain moments didn't happen.

So what if Bobby Orr didn't score and the Bruins didn't win the 1970 Stanley Cup? Yes, I know it was a sweep but lets try and think outside of the box. More importantly, what if Bobby Orr was never a Bruin? Now obviously the B's haven't had a great history; they've been Cup-less since 1972. But Bobby Orr did something for this area that not many athletes have done. He made Boston a hockey town in the 1970's. Young boys across New England fell in love with the game because of what Orr did on the ice. He started a buzz in the city because of is brilliance on the ice.

The same can be said about the Mario Lemieux ad. Super Mario single handedly saved the Pens' franchise. He is the franchise. He owns the team and he kept the team in Pittsburgh by getting the Penguins a new rink.

Props to the NHL, these ads are great.

Thoughts On The New NFL Overtime

Apparently the NFL is looking to change their overtime format for playoff games only. The new format gives the team that lost the coin toss the chance to get the ball. This is how it works. Suppose the Patriots are playing the Steelers and the Pats win the coin toss. The drive will end one of three ways: 1) the Patriots get a touchdown, 2) the Patriots successfully kick a field goal or 3) the Patriots don't score at all. If the Patriots kick a field goal the Steelers would then get the ball back. Pittsburgh could either tie the game with a FG or win with a touchdown. However, and here's the big catch, if the Patriots score a touchdown on their first possession then the game is over and the Steelers would have no chance of tying the game.

I like the new rule and I wouldn't mind seeing it implemented in the regular season. Since 1994, the team that has won the coin toss has also won 59% of the games. I am in favor of any rule that reduces the chance of a game being won by a coin toss. However I think both teams should get the ball in the extra session regardless if the first team scores a touchdown on its opening drive.

Bob "I only wear blue shirts with white collars" Kraft said he would vote in favor of this new rule at next week's meetings.